| | Current Music: | Welcome to the Jungle | | Security: | | | Time: | 03:54 pm |
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| 1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? ahh... there's a scar in my birthmark on my left leg from where I slipped on a rock out bush walking when I was about 8. They told us not to play on the rocks. So when I fell and hurt myself I was too scared to tell anyone. Wasn't till I got home and had a look I realised there was a chunk of leg missing.
2. WHATS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Paint.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? It's silver. It's of the clam design.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Well I don't really appreciate country and/or western. Nor hip hop. But other than that...
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Around 2-3am. It was the last day of daylight savings so the clocks in the hospital stopped for an hour... mum couldn't work out why time seemed to be going so slowly.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? a cone.
7. WHO DO YOU MISS? Richard. God, and Vanessa. So much Vanessa...
8. WHAT is/are YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S? my car, I guess... despite the fact it's sitting useless in the driveway.
9. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Pisces
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? nup.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Sometimes, depending n my state of mind... I'm a lot better than I used to be.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Richard.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? N/A
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? I s'pose I'd have to go with brown hair blue eyes, but really it's got more to do with the composition than the colours.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO? Anywhere!
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Anchovies.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? hmm... nothing's really coming to mind as a "geez I could really go for some of that" at the moment...
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? Richard, I'd imagine.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? I really have no idea.
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? that's very broad. I don't like everybody. But I guess I could like anybody.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? nope.
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? I've never been that into brands. Although this season is my season - I love everything that's in at the moment, so kinda most any right now...
25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR? One that goes!
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? Well there's always Tootsie, but she's kinda mum's these days. And then there's Alfie, but he's not mine so much as living in my backyard.
27. WHAT KIND IS IT? Tootsie = kitty cat. Alfie = German Shepherd.
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I have a feeling falling in love is something that'll happen to you regardless of circumstances.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Open your mouth and let the words come out.
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 22
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Brunettes.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? Richard's... though I guess not anymore.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Most? Geez, this is very broad again... but stupid people'll get me everytime. I cease to be amazed... a) at the stupidity and b) that I cease to be amazed.
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF AUSTRALIA? Few times, yeah.
35. YOUR WEAKNESS? Richard.
37. FIRST JOB? Checkout chick.
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? As I kid I used to call random numbers and then hang up when they answered. I felt so naughty.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'd have my boobs done... not made any bigger necessarily, but perkier.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? Boredom.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? I s'pose my eyes.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? Drink it anyway... "illegal" hasn't really stopped me yet. Or I'd go without... there are better drugs out there anyway... - alcohol's messier than most.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Nothing's springing to mind, but I've got 5 months to think about it... why the hurry?
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? As long as there's more than one, I'm good.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not directly... I think it was inspired by some baby my mum nursed back in the day or something though... *shrugs*... I forget the story now...
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Now that you mention it - I used to. Haven't thought to in a long time though. Maybe I need to take it up again. Things seemed to be better back then... maybe the cosmos really listens.
48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING? Worked.
49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT? Pretzels.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes. Sometimes not so much.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? I guess I'll go with salami, although I dont' really know the definition of "lunch meat"...
52. ANY BAD HABITS? too many to list...
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MUSIC? I'm not really embarrassed by any of my music tastes... I cop the most shit for having liked Korn though.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I'd probably give me the shits...
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? Undoubtedly... I'm a sucker for gossip.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Matter to what? Whether you like someone? No. Looks get attention (or not) though.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Depends how mch anger there is... By cutting, at one extreme... By gritting my teeth and throwing shit at the other end.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Work, goddamnit.
59. EVER BEEN DRUNK? Is this a trick question?!
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? I don't really know, nothing jumps out... I guess I always adored Teddy.
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? 35.
62.IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU BE? You know what? I'd be at a crazy tech party on mad pills... I can't believe how much I'm hanging for that!... Or I'd be at home with my boy.
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yeah... right...
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? *sigh*... those were the days...
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? *shrugs*... I guess I'm going to be cliché and go with an open sense of humour... people who don't laugh suck.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Liv, nufty, Livvy, Olive, Palta...
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? cookie dough.
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)? Purple and orange are all time favourites, but I'm going through a green phase at the moment.
73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? my car!!!
74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? Just the one, which is coming through at the moment and causing me grief...
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? I'm not sure who "everyone" could really apply to, but sure! Go ahead!
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? My playlist on Winamp... it's on shuffle. Right at this moment it's Three Days Grace - Scared.
77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? I had a swig of cordial out of the bottle...
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Richard.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? Depends what there is to be noticed.
80. THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? Kill You.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? People
82. FAVORITE ALCHOHOLIC DRINK(S) god... tequilla, Long Island Iced Tea, bourbon... that'll do.
83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? umm... I'll just go with Pisces... although I have a feeling we're prolly pains in the arse...
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? Does smoking bongs count as a sport?!
85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Dark brown.
86. EYE COLOR? Green
87. HEIGHT? 168cm... or so...
88. FAVORITE ANIMAL? umm... cats?
89. FAVORITE MONTH(s)? March
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? I'm going through a bit of a sushi obsession at the moment, actually.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? I checked in on the Footy Grand Final a while ago.
92. FAVORITE DAY(s) OF THE YEAR? March 7th I s'posed I'd have to go with.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter.
95. KISSES OR HUGS? Depends who I'm kissing vs who I'm hugging. I'm all for kissing though... god, kissing is so good...
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? They both have their pros and cons. You'd never give up a good relationship for a one night stand, but they can be fun!
97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Tape and gauze and bandages and the like to dress my raw thumb.
98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? I can't think of a person who WILL answer these questions.
99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? The Sea? I think? I forget what it's called... by John Banville.
100. ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU? There's one that I know of!... Infinite possible victims though! ;) | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| *lights a cigarette*
Saturday night... and here I sit... waiting for Richard with the weed... pretty standard Saturday, really... *sigh*...
So... fuck... I just found all this shit I wish I hadn't... and I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with this information...
I wish I just trusted him... I wish I could take his word for it that he loves me and blah blah blah... but then I find this shit... and it all goes way above and beyond anything I would've even imagined... and suddenly I'm not wondering why I don't trust/believe him so much as wondering what the fuck he's doing with me. Then I remember the situation and without me he's fucked... and then I'm back to where I always was... it's not about me so much as my income.
So why do I hang around?... goddamnit. Cos I live in hope? Cos I think he can change? will change? Even if he changed... that may well not include he way he feels about me.
At what point do you decide it's just a joke and you're deluding yourself?
And what to do with this information? This is the question. Confront him? I know he'd be instantly on the defensive. Plus there's that whole, I was prying, thing. But shit! Who's in the wrong here?!? But what would confronting him achieve? He'd just be more careful next time... If he's going to do it he's going to do it.
Do I just forget I saw it? Do I sabotage his profile? His contacts?
Funny how it all fits together with the shit I was sus on months ago. 'Funny' probably isn't the right word...
I'm kinda glad tomorrow's Sunday... I think I'll have to be early... Anna's having kinda the same problem...
Goddamnit!!!
How could I not be pissed about this?!...
*lights a cigarette*
...not really looking fwd to Richard getting home... which probably isn't a problem since it prolly won't be for hours yet... but I could really use a cone... or 6. Failing that, I just lit the last cigarette... so I need him to get home with more of those too.
I'm just at such a fucking loss... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Tainted Love | | Current Location: | Rooster's room | | Security: | | | Time: | 07:33 am | | Current Mood: |  ecstatic |
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| | I can barely believe how fucked I am right now. That's about all I can be fucked writing. God damnit! I so wannt write more... but it took me almost a whole song just to formulate that last sentence... I can't believe how fucked I am.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | SamMasterK - Streaking Through the Quad | | Current Location: | my dining room | | Security: | | | Time: | 06:26 pm | | Current Mood: |  peaking |
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| Right... these pills are better than I thought... or are they!? It's kinda hard to tell so far out of context. Still not the best I've had but... fuck!
Mind you, I don't think I should do that again... peak at work, that is. I wonder if Dale knew? I'm so convinced he did... but then I've just spent the last 45mins talking to mum, and she didn't seem at all suspicious, so maybe not. I'm feeling a bit mashed now though... would kinda like to sleep... or rather, just curl up somewhere and watch the clouds roll by. Of course, it's dark now, so I wouldn't be able to see them anyway... but if it were still daylight, that's what I'd like to do.
I took it so I wouldn't be tempted to take it on Friday night, thinking that I don't like them much and they give me no rhythm, but maybe that's been because the last two times I've had them my body has just been so tired. *shrugs*.
Mushies were a whole new experience. My body was exhausted when I took them too. They gave me no energy, but wow... everything seems so *alive*...
God, I'm so... restless... and... almost uneasy... uneasy in that I have no one to share this with, and I can't decide what I want to do... from second to second I'm swinging between wanting to get up and dance and wanting to lie on the couch... and yet, I can't be bothered getting up from the desk to do either...
Mum's got dinner on... not sure I'll be able to eat it... which is a bit of a worry.
God, I hope I haven't completely fucked myself up for Friday night... surely not. I figure I'll be able to sleep tonight when it comes down to it, although a cone or two sure as hell wouldn't go astray...
Time is going sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slooooooooooooooooooooooooowly.
I'm at a loss... maybe I'll have another cigarette and think about what to do next... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I've been wanting to update for the longest time... but the inspiration and the inclination never seem to come at once... now I'm just scattered, and though I couldn't be bothered opening my mouth to so much as "hi" [though I've had too to keep mum from being too suspicious] I feel like I could stay up and write a novel. And I prolly would, except I have to work in 6 hours... which isn't fun at all... and I've just realised Richard's got my phone - not an issue... except it's my only form of an alarm clock = fuckity fuck.
Crazy weekend!!... loved every second!... funny I should say that, cos I worked on Sunday in the most horrible state EVER... I sure as hell wasn't loving it at the time, but now it just feels like it was all part of the experience... and since it's the third time I've done that in a fairly limited time frame, I must keep putting down to being part of the experience, cos even the horribleness of it clealy isn't stopping me... weird... or p'haps just plain stoopid.
Anyhow... that's it for now... my cosy doona and bed are beckoning... I just need to work out an alarm system for fucking 6am tomorrow morning... *sigh*... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I cut.
It'd been ages.
It made me cry.
It felt good.
I was *this* close to slicing straight through a vein.
That might have been fun.
Maybe I'll aim for that next time...
*sigh*
youcan'tMAKEsomeoneloveyouyouCAN'Tmakesomeoneloveyouyoucan'tmakesomeoneLOVEyouyoucan'tmakeSOMEONEloveyouYOUcan'tmakesomeoneloveyouyoucan'tmakesomeoneloveYOUyoucan'tMAKEsomeoneloveyou
Olivia, you can't make someone love you.
Deal with it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Korn - Falling Away From Me | | Security: | | | Time: | 11:03 pm | | Current Mood: |  uncomfortable |
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| God, I feel... I don't know... it's like butterflies in my belly, but heavier... almost like my heart just dropped right out of my chest and landed in my stomach.
I dropped Richard home and before he got out of the car he leaned over to kiss me and he told me I smell like the first night he met me. I can't work it out, cos I haven't done anything the same as that night.. different shampoo/conditioner, different body wash... different everything... I know I can't appreciate the whole smell/memory thing, but I just don't get it.
Having booked the flight to Moscow today (YAY!), I told him tonight, again, that in my head he's coming to Europe. And he said to me "Liv, I'm not going to make it."
I think that's why my heart's in my stomach.
I don't know why I feel this way... I knew all along that he wouldn't make it... another thing I was just deluding myself about, I guess...
I guess at least this takes out a huge chunk of the variables that was keeping my return date in the air.
Now I just need to know what Richard wants to do about the fact that we'll be apart for a minimum of 3 months. I'm not sure how well he'll cope... And of course, work out what *I* want to do... Still so much of it will depend on money and income while I'm over there...
*sigh*...
We booked the flights!! I should be pumped as anything!... but I'm feeling particularly... I don't know what... down... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| So Richard's officially giving me the shits.
He reckons HE'S sick of ME saying one thing and doing another all the time. This from Mr. "we'll take a point each and sell the rest for a profit"... do you reckon I even got my point? Ok, so that was about 8 months ago. But still. I'm sick of him saying one thing and doing nothing all the time! For fuck's sake!
I only ever get to see him on his terms. He doesn't seem to understand that half my stuff is at his place. I didn't want to go there tonight to see him - clearly! - I know he's working! But the weed and my guitar are there... what the fuck am I supposed to do with myself all Saturday night without them?!
Get myself sloshed!
I think that's what I'll have to do with myself.
Not sure if I want to spend the money...
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5:38pm... been chatting to mum... I'm feeling less shitty now.
I messaged Vanessa, who I assume still hasn't charged her mobile battery, to see what she's up to tonight. I'd guess she's seeing John, but I could really use a night at Switch, or somewhere... if only I had someone to go with.
*sigh*... right - I want my guitar, damnit!
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6:44pm.
So this guy's invited me over. I want to go to Switch. And Richard's online cos he was sent home from work. What the fuck to do!?
*lights a cigarette* | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I so don't want to be here... here at home... at home with mum.
She's shitty. I don't know quite what it is that I did that was so bad. Richard's car is back in the front yard and apparently she has no recollection of my asking if that would be ok... but seriously, reason to crack it? I think not.
I don't want to be here.
But Richard's at work, Vanessa's in Sydney and I have no money to entertain myself elsewhere... plus I really need to hang around and do a load, or six, of washing.
God, I'm so lethargic. Hot and clammy and sticky and lethargic.
I got a postcard from Sam today! It's from Marakech, so the news wasn't new, but nice to get a postcard from him!
I also got the form that Richard would need to get his citizenship certificate to get his passport. But I misunderstood... or the woman on the phone did... Cos he still needs his birth certificate which was the bit I was trying to get around. Well, not get around - my initial question was "who do I need to speak to about getting a birth certificate from England?" when she mentioned this as a possibility. Oh well... back to square one on that one. Right back to square one - he needs a new passport form too. As suspected he was resentful, or angry that I'd left or something and tore up the form that I left for him.
*ugh*... I gotta get outta here... | | comments: Leave a comment |
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